A Message to the Bank of Jamaica
(by a well-intentioned third party)

As enlightened members of the world elite know, Jamaica,
since independence from the English in 1962, has been on that long
slippery slope best described as the "Haitization of the Third World".
Once a prosperous country where one Jamaica dollar equaled
one English pound and indeed was worth more than a US dollar,
it has arrived at a point where the currency has been debased
by a factor of two hundred and has no hope of improvement.
Recently, a new denomination of bill was introduced (see illustration)

which addressed the problem of needing to carry
four pounds of money to buy one pound of bananas.
This was the $500 bill ($13USD). On the face of this bill was
a very famous Jamican hero- Nanny of the Maroons.
The Maroons were a renowned band of guerilla fighters who
managed to fight the British redcoats to a standstill in the 18th century
after Admiral Penn (father of William Penn of Pennsylvania fame)
wrested control of Jamaica from the Spanish.
Indeed the Maroons were so successful that even today
they are granted the right of self-rule;a country within a country.
Without making a short story longer, Nanny's claim to fame
was that she would be at the front lines of a battle
and with her own particular weapon aim it at the British
(shoot-the-moon so to speak).
That is, she would bare her derriere at the British and this (it was claimed)
deflected all bullets thus enabling victory for the Maroons.
The exact mechanism by which this was accomplished is
still a secret to this day in spite of the best efforts of the CIA & the KGB.
Whether the British were too distracted , too gentlemanly
or too revolted to counter this unusual strategy is not clear.
Nevertheless, history is proof and the Maroons today
are a free people thanks to Fanny, er Nanny.
Which brings us to the subject matter of this dissertation.
Jamaica is in dire straits. The money has decreasing value.
Tourism is the mainstay of the island.
Every tourist takes home some "funny" money-
coins or bills-to show the folks at home how the locals buy stuff.
Nanny's picture is on the "face" of the largest denomination bill.
Why not (and this I have copyrighted- I want my cut)
put her famous anatomy on the "rear" of the bill?
Can you imagine how many bills would go home to America or Europe?
If there are one million tourists per year and they each take home
a bill for a souvenir that is half a billion Jamaican dollars!
That's enough to buy a Mercedes for every politician and
take that incredible burden off the treasury!
(You can send my 10% commission to my local representative in Jamaica who
will invest in the island and create real jobs instead of the politicians who
create jobs for boys washing their Mercedes-so Jamaica wins two ways.)
Why hasn't some enterprising person thought of this before?
Well this writer knows all of this is politically incorrect- but then again
so are poverty, corrupt politicians and stupidity in public office.
So Bank of Jamaica please try this. Quickly.
Because I just voted for my government to cut off all that foreign aid
that Jamaica has been slurping up so slavishly.
Hunger concentrates the mind wonderfully.
Below I would like to show you the "rear" of the actual $500 dollar bill.
On another page that you can click to (if you also are politically incorrect,
21 years of age, and promise to buy a proto-type from me),
you will see the corrected and improved version of the $500 bill with Nanny
and the "posterior part of her anatomical being"
as described in a letter to the king's governor by Colonel Blandon Smythe
of the 16th Artillery Battery of the Glenhampton Fuseillers.
Click on the picture below of the reverse of the "Nanny" bill to see
a reconfigured version of this bill that makes economic sense
(even if its introduction was a little behind).